You made it all better for a bit.

I cant believe i thought you would actually be different from all the other guys.
To think you might care about me after the novelty of being new wore off.
I fucking hate how i center my life with guys. But its all i want.
All i want is a guy that would love me and want to be with me and love me.
I want all that stupid corny shit.
I dont want to be with a guy for a week then break up and move on.
I hate myself for thinking like this, it shouldnt be all about a boy.
But people dont understand how scared i actually am to be alone.
Its why im with a guy that makes me cry more then smile, a guy most of
my friends dont think is good enough, one that probably hates spending time
with me. But at the end of the day he is still with me. He is still a guy that has
layed in bed with me with his arms around me, made me feel good at some point,
saw me cry even if it was because of him.
At the same time its why i flirt, as bad as it looks with me having a boyfriend, im
still looking for someone. If he doesnt want to be it then i want to find who does.
It makes no sense to people. I cant leave him. I cant be alone, I dont want to
leave him with no one. Fuck everything. Im going to sleep forever.