Its offically been a year for us being together.
Its been up and down, but isnt that just life.
Im sitting here and have been all day just reflected on the year.
Before we even started dating we had a "thing".
We never reall had a friendship.
On the first day of meeting you we kissed. I grew to have
feelings for you but then a few things i couldnt take and
broke off from you for about two months.
You did ask me to your formal, and god did i want to go but
it wasnt to be due to a school play that was on the same night.
That only really made our distance greater.
Then something happened after my own formal. I could deny
the feelings i had for you but i promised myself that i wouldnt
get involved, i would just have you there.
This pretty much failed but we got closer and closer.
I remember that one time we said goodbye but then you ran after
me just to say goodbye again, i could have sworn you were going to
ask me out then and there but got nervous.
Just as we were so close and knew we wanted each other,
i left the state for a month.
We had that perfect leaving moment where you told me you
would wait for me. remember that moment is bringing tears
to my eyes.
I messaged you everyday while i was away, it was like you were
right there.
This time last year everything was perfect.
I remember the messages telling me that we are practically together
and you saying that we should just make it offical.
But i wanted to wait until i was with you again, face to face.
I remember that day, wednesday i think, a week before you got back.
And you were having her over. I had my worries but i trusted you enough.
I messaged you to have fun and you said " i love you hun"
Its been so long since you have called me that..
Then i remember you messaging me that it was awkward so on so on but
i felt rude messaging you while you had company so i let you go.
Then i messaged you around 4 that afternoon asking if you had a good day
but you aparently had not so i asked what was wrong.
You told me then that you had kissed her and other stuff..
You also told her about us and how much you loved me, aparently.
At this time i was with a girl i miss with all my heart, in a clothes shop so i
couldnt just break down and cry but when you told me it pretty much tore
me apart, you said sorry and i can barely remember all those long msgs.
I rememeber having to act like i was fine and just smile. I kept going to
the bathroom and just crying. I didnt sleep til 5 that morning then woke up
at 7 with messages for you.
Remember that day still hurts.
Although that happened, i tried not to go back to feeling like that towards you
so we would just have smalll talk. Then a few days before i got home you told me
you still couldnt wait to see me and nothing had changed for you.
And ofcourse i feel for it so a few days after i got home, i saw you, and that was
today, last year. The 22nd of January.
We were great from what i remember. I would come see you every weekend
and we woiuld chill, walk around, lay in bed most of the time and watch things.
Your bed is probably where we are at our best. Its just you and me, nothing else
in the world matters. We can just be each other and love.
I remember going to Blessthefall with you. Spent the whole time with you, it was
great. Normally i would be in the mosh but i stuck by you and was held by you."
I only remembered this night again tonight, it made me smile.
Now the bad is coming into my head. Ignoring me around your friends, ignoring
your friends, ignoring my friends. Not being my deb partner, not going to my deb.
Not going to my birthday dinner. Telling me im self centered and dont invite you
anywhere. Being rude at times to my family.
But then i just think of when you have told me you loved me, when you would
tell me how much you loved how i looked, how we would fall asleep in the afternoon.
You would blow in my face just to see my reaction and we would both giggle,
how you know i freak out when people touch my nose, how i know exactly where
you are ticklish and how you try and tickle back and its cute.
I love how you play guitar to me, showing me all your advances in things your making.
And it all brings me to today. I dont really know where i stand on it.
I have no doubt that i love you. Because i do, so much.
I can doubt how much you love me.
I dont really remember the last time you complimented me, called me a cute name,
looked into my eyes and told me you loved me.
Maybe it gets to the point in the relationship when they should be things i know
but i havent been here before so i dont know.
Im nervous about today, making you breakfast, maybe you wont even like it.
then what will we do the rest of the day.
It will work out i think, kinda like how we always do.
I cried through writing this whole thing and i dont know why.
Bottom line is. Somehow, through everything, its still me and you and we are still
working it out, we will work it out eventually.
I love you and you love me, in our weird way, forever and always.
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