Today was the deadline i gave myself to make my decision.
To be with you or without you.
When i first saw you and you pulled me back to have that moment
with me, it made me think maybe you do care.
But then where were you the rest of the day?
where was you coming up to see me or talk to me?
I know i should have sat and spent time with you rather then just sitting there looking at you. Waiting and wanting.
You make me feel insane, you make me be someone im not.
What if im not doing all i can with us?
I feel like im being selfish. That me wanting to be everything to you
or just something more then what i am to you now.
I just want you to care and to notice. Yet after a yeah im still close
to onthing to you and thats how i feel.
Im so sick of crying about how alone i feel. Crying over just wanting
having someone to care about me and think im one of the best things
that they have.
I think i have someone who does or atleast makes me feel like how i
want to feel. I know he has better girls he can choose from and i think
i would only be fair if i let him go. I cant suck him into the hole im in
even if he may be the only way of me getting out. I want him here all the
time with his arms around me. I cant remember the last time i felt that
wanted. I wish you were here right now.. I know i would never want you
to leave though and thats what im scared of because you could leave.
I just want him to be happy, even if its taking every bit of happiness from
me. I dont know what point it is that i should do something for myself.
Im on his strings while he is playing his game with his rules.
If he wants me im there, whenever he asks.
But i dont want him anymore. I dont want to be sad anymore.
I dont want to be alone either... What if no one else wants me..
I wouldnt even want me.
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