The Labyrinth

My week has been quite the emotion rollercoaster as the cliche would go.

And i would have to say its been more lows then highs.

Main issues:

- Weight

- Family

- School

- Lovey dovey based stuff.

Weight..

This really is on my mind 95% of the day, its driving my insane. I cant eat without feeling bad, but if i didnt eat i know it would be wrong in the long run. I hate looking in the mirror. It disgusts me and i pretty much cry everytime. I went to a gig tonight, took me 2 hours to pick something to wear which i didnt like anyways. All the outfits just made me "look fat". Crazy right. Well thats exactly what it is. I can enjoy anything because i  think people are just looking at my fat or if they touch me all they feel is fat. I would sell my soul just to be as thin as i want to be. The more i think about not eating so much, or not being able to eat this or that, The more i eat. More and more and more. I started writing lists of things i have been eating during the day, that didnt make it all that much better. Its so stupid, i was healthier not thinking so much about it. Ill try and get back to that calmer state.

Family...

My family life, well to say it plainly, has always been shit. Now im going through things all over again and im all alone. No one can ever understand what is going on in my household unless they were involved in it. My hate for my family seems so stupid and disrespectful to everyone. "Your supposed to love your family" but what if they have cause you so much pain for years? its hard to cope with. I get home from places and just get angry over nothing, anything. I cant stand being around them. I cant escape it either, i have no choice but to put up with it.

School....

School all in all is just stressing me out. I cant do the work, i get poor marks, dont have time for assignments, being around people. i just dont ever really want to be there at all anymore. i just keep telling myself "one more year, one more year" i know i can make it :D

Lovey dovey...

It drives me mental, makes me do stupid things, makes me cry myself to sleep. I need it as much as i hate it. i need that love and affection from someone special. I put so much expectation on it though. Things like from the movies. I want someone that knows me inside and out, a bestfriend, knows my dreams, what i hate, what i love, spends endless hours with me just chillen, lays outside at night with me just to look at stars and breathe, to send me cute messages, to tell me im beautiful, someone to tell me and other people they love me, someone that just wants to be with me, someone to celebrate anniversary's with, go on dats with,  someone i can mess around with, someone who knows my limits and i know theirs.

As much as i hate wanting it, I want that fantasy love.

Want, want, want. Its all i do. *sigh*
Guess its just something i will have to work on.
Stay classy bloggers! <3