Numb is all i have wanted to feel lately, and most of the time i am.
Its like im seeing myself watch myself. Most of the time in on auto pilot.
half of the time i have no idea what im doing, and im turning into something
i hate. But i dont want to feel anything anymore.
The moment i let one emotion in the rest come flooding in.
I start feeling like shit all over again.
What im doing to myself is the only way i can get through day to day.
I hate it but i dont think i can do it other wise.
I forget everything that has ever happened, i forget how it made me feel.
Right now, im feeling, im feeling ever bad feeling i have pushed aside.
I dont want anyone around me nor do i want to be around anyone.
to contradict myself, i want people to want to be with me.
But they dont.
And that takes to where my head is right now.
I have nothing going for me, personality, looks, brains, humour. Nothing.
I complain. And i cant sit here and type about how much i hate myself.
In the end i have to deal with it myself.
Im never going to be as good as anyone, im never going to mean much to someone.
Guys will always use me, People will always hurt me.
Its life, and im going to live it. numbly.
I had a talk about it with someone last night, who for some reason could relate.
We stayed up for a bit talked about the people in there life and how i view things.
It was kinda nice, but insane.
Im done with most of the people that are in my life again. Well, one, and a few more.
The one person that made everything and would make it okay wont be back.
So i just want to be alone.