Bones Are The New Black.

Why am i not able to control how much i eat anymore?!

i always say im hungry but when really im not
I just eat anyway and i hate it! i hate it so much!
Maybe its my way of dealing with everything, just
getting my mind off it, so i eat.
it doesnt make things better. I was so good at being
healthy i ate all the right things. Now its near impossible.

I just wish i had control on it. I cant even control the intake
of food anymore, it makes me feel so destroyed.
Looking in the mirror is getting more painful, getting
up for school knowing ill be surrounded by my friends that
are perfect and thin and happy and beauitful.
It makes me not want to get up anymore, i dont feel like
seeing or talking to people.
It makes me question what my boyfriend sees in me and i
feel disgusted of what he does see.

i love food and social like surrounds it. But i need to take control
i need to stop. i need to stop eating so much.
And not to mention that mainly what i eat is crap.
The girls i know and see do not know how lucky they are.

Im not beautiful, and no matter how many people tell me, it is my
truth. I have the biggest gut, massive thighs, broad shoulders, big hips,
fat face. i just want to be happy with myself. And be a girl that maybe
other girls may envy for my looks. I want to be able to feel my hip bones
or feel where my ribs may be, not just fat. I dont want to have love handles
that i can grab handfuls of.
Marilyn monroe was size 16 and is still a massive beauty icon. I dont see
how she did it. But she is amazing.
I just want to be skinny... Thats it plain and simple. Im sick of getting so
depressed on being envious of everyone. I want to distant myself from friends,
i just want to be away from people. I know that cant happen though, and deep down
i know i dont really want it. as confusing as that is.
It doesnt help when i have to take the burden of many other people.
I dont know how to help them, so i distant from them aswell.
I cant help them if i cant help myself.