Your Love Is My Movement.

You make me feel perfect!
The way you went through and told me what you
love about me then to how much you love me.
Im finally confident and stupid and louder around you.
Ahh it just makes me so happy inside and out!
I love you Logan Thomas Knox.
And if your right and that you do love me more
then what i love you. Then, shit. Thats alot.

Ps. i love mulan.

Be My Heart Beat.

Ive been in bed since about 6pm and it is now 11.
I layed here reading a book for what must have been
around four hours, maybe explains why i have finished it.
Even through reading all i could think about was you.
I wish you were here with me just to talk to and cuddle.
I feel so good and safe with you as i have said many times.
I miss you way more then i should and i wish i could just
have you all to myself, that it could just be me and you.
Going and seeing my sisters place yesterday and seeing
that she will be able to live how she likes with the person she
love. It just kept making me think and that maybe in a year this
can be me and you. As hopeful as that is, i probably wont have
the money. But its a good thought.
I was always so cynical of my sister and her boyfriend, that they
spent to much time together and didnt care for anything else.
But i now understand it. Nothing makes me happier then being
with you. I really wish you could be with me now just with your
arms around me, i know im okay and safe then, nothing could
harm me.
I always told my dad, nothing will ever keep me in this town,
ill get out of here as soon as i can and start new.
But that was until i met you.
I want to talk to you right now, tell you everything im
feeling because i feel your someone who actually really cares.
Maybe i will tell you tomorrow if you come over.
I miss you so much and so excited to see you!
I wonder if your thinking about me...

Bones Are The New Black.

Why am i not able to control how much i eat anymore?!

i always say im hungry but when really im not
I just eat anyway and i hate it! i hate it so much!
Maybe its my way of dealing with everything, just
getting my mind off it, so i eat.
it doesnt make things better. I was so good at being
healthy i ate all the right things. Now its near impossible.

I just wish i had control on it. I cant even control the intake
of food anymore, it makes me feel so destroyed.
Looking in the mirror is getting more painful, getting
up for school knowing ill be surrounded by my friends that
are perfect and thin and happy and beauitful.
It makes me not want to get up anymore, i dont feel like
seeing or talking to people.
It makes me question what my boyfriend sees in me and i
feel disgusted of what he does see.

i love food and social like surrounds it. But i need to take control
i need to stop. i need to stop eating so much.
And not to mention that mainly what i eat is crap.
The girls i know and see do not know how lucky they are.

Im not beautiful, and no matter how many people tell me, it is my
truth. I have the biggest gut, massive thighs, broad shoulders, big hips,
fat face. i just want to be happy with myself. And be a girl that maybe
other girls may envy for my looks. I want to be able to feel my hip bones
or feel where my ribs may be, not just fat. I dont want to have love handles
that i can grab handfuls of.
Marilyn monroe was size 16 and is still a massive beauty icon. I dont see
how she did it. But she is amazing.
I just want to be skinny... Thats it plain and simple. Im sick of getting so
depressed on being envious of everyone. I want to distant myself from friends,
i just want to be away from people. I know that cant happen though, and deep down
i know i dont really want it. as confusing as that is.
It doesnt help when i have to take the burden of many other people.
I dont know how to help them, so i distant from them aswell.
I cant help them if i cant help myself.

Revenge Better Be Sweeter.

Im so worn out of being so jealous of everyone.
Yet, Its only getting worse.
Why can I not just take steps forward, not back
or just stay in the same place.

Fear Inside The Mind.

Today i had gone to the movies with someone special.
We watched a movie i have been looking forward to watching
and from what im going to believe we both were so scared!
Paranormal activity two i have to say, it a freaking amazing
movie. I really loved it! I was so scared but so impressed.
I then got home and jumped and half died everytime i
heard a noise. I was freaking out in the shower even!
Now im in bed, probably never going to be able to
relax enough to fall asleep!
Right now, well all the time actually, i would love to just
curl into bed beside you, feel your warmth and comfort.
I would really love that, I dont think i can last a whole
week without seeing you! I love everything is right now.
Well most things. And those things make me happy.

Infatuation.

Being out in the sun with someone you love.
Just shopping around, being each others company.
Then heading home as the weather starts getting
overcast, getting home and just laying in bed with them.
Just as the rain starts to fall on the roof we are already
so close and falling asleep.
When you woke up, kissed me to make sure i was awake
and said "i love you Rosie, i could wake up like this every morning"
Put the biggest smile on my face, i couldn't agree more.
I look forward to the days i get to fall to sleep in your arms and
waking up to you, even at whatever crazy time your awake.
Today you ressured me, many times, of how much you loved me.
Im starting to feel so comfortable around you which is such a big step.
I love you more then i could ever express and i know
that you love me just as much, for just being me. Its such a beautiful thing.
We are such a beautiful thing. I hope i spend so much of my life with
you, share so much of my life with you. I have faith that we will.
I still kick myself over how i almost gave this all away but it did
make me relise just how much apart of me you are.
I think in a way it was a good out of a bad because we have become so much
stronger and closer. We are just so much involved with each other.
I never want to leave you, ever. Or have you leave me.

I think the last few days i have been the happiest i have been in a while.
Im sorting things out, making plans, organising.
Im feeling better. I still have a long way to go, but its a start.
I also an waiting for my new book to come into the book store.
Certain someone's thinks its stupid and weird that i have suddenly
found a love for books, but its as an escape, i get so interested.
The stress and panic of year 12 is kicking in a little.
Its going to be long and hard. I will get there though.
Im wanting to change, get better habits. Its the start but an importantone.
To now be going good with him. Being open and honest has never been
so rewarding. Im surrounding and putting alot of my life in your hands
since your the one thing that can always make me happy, make me
feel amazing. Im getting more comfortable with you.
Its taken such a long, long time for me to get to this point.
Well for us to get to this point really. And its going to be a great
long time together.
I blooody miss using my camera though, i do say that.
i need it so bad. Im also going to dye and cut my hair soon.

Just care. Have heart.

Why cant i be as pretty as her, as thin as her, as smart as her?
Why cant i be as witty, as funny, as confident as her?
Why cant i actually talk about things but can easily blog about it?
Why would i rather talk about you and never talk about me?
Why cant i feel and react to things?
Why cant i just do things right!
I suck at school, I wreck everything, I always hope to be better.
But it never happens. Nothing is good enough.
Its insane i know it.
Atm i feel as lost as i ever have, i feel terrible.
I have no idea what to do. Or have any idea of what im doing.
I dont know how to explain it to make it make sense.
I just dont even feel like im here half the time.
Now i just, i dont know. I wish i could just dissappear for a while.
Get some isolation to actually maybe sort my shit out!
But there i go again, wishing, hoping.
Nothings going to work.

We Like To Party. We Like, We Like To Party.

The messed up mind and glazed eyes.
The ability not to say what you feel.
The feeling to be moving. To be doing what
makes you happy. Even if there are tears,
the night still explodes. This feeling of not
caring can become addictive.
Even through the next morning headaches
and the random bruises and cuts we have.
I know we would all get up and do it all over
again. And i love that.

Lust vs Love

I take the easy path. The one that would create less hurt and motion.
Im still unsure if it was the best one for myself.
I cant hurt him. I cant lose him. Yet i want someone else.
I cant have it both ways, there is no way it could work.
I always knew i would lose one to some extent.
Atleast this way they can still both be in my life.
I know ill alays think of him, want him to be more, hope
that in the future maybe we can be something.
Im myself around him, i laugh, im silly, im loud, i play.
But then with him im mute, im not loud, not silly.
I could lay there, on your chest and hold your hand
and just talk, about everything. We can westle and laugh
and just have fun. You make me feel special, you make me happy.
Its all seems wrong.
Maybe we will actually get better this time.
I said i will try and be honest and i hope to keep to my word.
This is all just on chance and my hope for it to all work out.
You will be with someone else soon, it will hurt.
But you will be happy and its what you deserve.

We're The Two Best Friends That Anyone Could Have.

For whenever I am down, you pick me up.
Whenever I am up, you keep me there.
Your so close to my heart right now.
You bring the best out of me like no one else can.
You are always just you, your never lead by something.
Your passionate and silly.
This week of not seeing you is so strange to me.
You keep me level headed and just happy.
With someone like you i dont think anyone around you
would ever not be weeing themself a little with laughter.
We have been in each others life one way or another
since kindy. Your long ass hair and freckles and my
boy, bowl hair cut. To now, just going into our last year
of school. You are the most beautiful girl i know.
Thankyou so much Darling. <3