Today i had gone to the movies with someone special.
We watched a movie i have been looking forward to watching
and from what im going to believe we both were so scared!
Paranormal activity two i have to say, it a freaking amazing
movie. I really loved it! I was so scared but so impressed.
I then got home and jumped and half died everytime i
heard a noise. I was freaking out in the shower even!
Now im in bed, probably never going to be able to
relax enough to fall asleep!
Right now, well all the time actually, i would love to just
curl into bed beside you, feel your warmth and comfort.
I would really love that, I dont think i can last a whole
week without seeing you! I love everything is right now.
Well most things. And those things make me happy.
Being out in the sun with someone you love.
Just shopping around, being each others company.
Then heading home as the weather starts getting
overcast, getting home and just laying in bed with them.
Just as the rain starts to fall on the roof we are already
so close and falling asleep.
When you woke up, kissed me to make sure i was awake
and said "i love you Rosie, i could wake up like this every morning"
Put the biggest smile on my face, i couldn't agree more.
I look forward to the days i get to fall to sleep in your arms and
waking up to you, even at whatever crazy time your awake.
Today you ressured me, many times, of how much you loved me.
Im starting to feel so comfortable around you which is such a big step.
I love you more then i could ever express and i know
that you love me just as much, for just being me. Its such a beautiful thing.
We are such a beautiful thing. I hope i spend so much of my life with
you, share so much of my life with you. I have faith that we will.
I still kick myself over how i almost gave this all away but it did
make me relise just how much apart of me you are.
I think in a way it was a good out of a bad because we have become so much
stronger and closer. We are just so much involved with each other.
I never want to leave you, ever. Or have you leave me.
I think the last few days i have been the happiest i have been in a while.
Im sorting things out, making plans, organising.
Im feeling better. I still have a long way to go, but its a start.
I also an waiting for my new book to come into the book store.
Certain someone's thinks its stupid and weird that i have suddenly
found a love for books, but its as an escape, i get so interested.
The stress and panic of year 12 is kicking in a little.
Its going to be long and hard. I will get there though.
Im wanting to change, get better habits. Its the start but an importantone.
To now be going good with him. Being open and honest has never been
so rewarding. Im surrounding and putting alot of my life in your hands
since your the one thing that can always make me happy, make me
feel amazing. Im getting more comfortable with you.
Its taken such a long, long time for me to get to this point.
Well for us to get to this point really. And its going to be a great
long time together.
I blooody miss using my camera though, i do say that.
i need it so bad. Im also going to dye and cut my hair soon.
Why cant i be as pretty as her, as thin as her, as smart as her?
Why cant i be as witty, as funny, as confident as her?
Why cant i actually talk about things but can easily blog about it?
Why would i rather talk about you and never talk about me?
Why cant i feel and react to things?
Why cant i just do things right!
I suck at school, I wreck everything, I always hope to be better.
But it never happens. Nothing is good enough.
Its insane i know it.
Atm i feel as lost as i ever have, i feel terrible.
I have no idea what to do. Or have any idea of what im doing.
I dont know how to explain it to make it make sense.
I just dont even feel like im here half the time.
Now i just, i dont know. I wish i could just dissappear for a while.
Get some isolation to actually maybe sort my shit out!
But there i go again, wishing, hoping.
Nothings going to work.
The messed up mind and glazed eyes.
The ability not to say what you feel.
The feeling to be moving. To be doing what
makes you happy. Even if there are tears,
the night still explodes. This feeling of not
caring can become addictive.
Even through the next morning headaches
and the random bruises and cuts we have.
I know we would all get up and do it all over
again. And i love that.
Im still unsure if it was the best one for myself.
I cant hurt him. I cant lose him. Yet i want someone else.
I cant have it both ways, there is no way it could work.
I always knew i would lose one to some extent.
Atleast this way they can still both be in my life.
I know ill alays think of him, want him to be more, hope
that in the future maybe we can be something.
Im myself around him, i laugh, im silly, im loud, i play.
But then with him im mute, im not loud, not silly.
I could lay there, on your chest and hold your hand
and just talk, about everything. We can westle and laugh
and just have fun. You make me feel special, you make me happy.
Its all seems wrong.
Maybe we will actually get better this time.
I said i will try and be honest and i hope to keep to my word.
This is all just on chance and my hope for it to all work out.
You will be with someone else soon, it will hurt.
But you will be happy and its what you deserve.
For whenever I am down, you pick me up.
Whenever I am up, you keep me there.
Your so close to my heart right now.
You bring the best out of me like no one else can.
You are always just you, your never lead by something.
Your passionate and silly.
This week of not seeing you is so strange to me.
You keep me level headed and just happy.
With someone like you i dont think anyone around you
would ever not be weeing themself a little with laughter.
We have been in each others life one way or another
since kindy. Your long ass hair and freckles and my
boy, bowl hair cut. To now, just going into our last year
of school. You are the most beautiful girl i know.
Thankyou so much Darling. <3
