I had the best possible night last night, plans got changed but they were a good changed.
I couldnt stop smiling most of the night, those people are amazing.
Their unjudgemental ways and pleasant personalities made me feel so welcome.
Staying up all night and hitting bed for and hour and a half sleep at 7.
Good times. Good friends.

Every braclet i wear means something or represents someone.
I really love them.

Today i also got a boyfriend, hes pretty damn attractive and super cute!

So, all in all, my body is shit.
"Critically" low ion level, unstable sugar levels, some other thing i forgot,
I have to get more check to see if something in me isnt bleeding.
Woo. I love this.
They say all these things, tell me its bad and i have to make change
yet i feel fine, i dont feel sick or anything.
Sometimes weird things happen and my kidneys hurt at certain times
but that i usual kinda thing sometimes.

My favourite; my better half; My pea in the pod; my clown; my sunshine on a rainy day.
Ive never come across a friendship as pure as this one that i live to cherish everyday of my life.
Nothing is left in the dark between us, i tell her every little stupid fact about my life and what happens in it.
She puts up with my whining about boys and useless crap day in and day out.
As soon as something come up she is there. We are together, side by side.
She is there at the best of times, and shows me how good things can be. She gets me to live, pushes me to be my best and i hope i have the same effect.
She is the most beautiful girl i have seen, its something i do envy and every girl should, From the hair that i love (but she hates) to her brilliant blue eyes, cute smile, perfect body, amazing legs and tattoo'd foot. All the way to the core of her up front, humourous personality.
I trust her with all that i have, i know if something is wrong or i have done something, that she will tell me and not go behind my back and bitch like so many girls do to there "bestfriends".
We are with each other through thick and thin, through the good and the bad.
Nothings ever going to change that.

But you know what, maybe i will take the risk this time..

I wonder what it would be like to have guys wanting to talk to me all the time.
Making an effort with getting to know me or spend time with me.
Messaging me first and daily, not messaging numourous girls at the same time.
Have them thinking im the best girl out and that they just needed me.
I wish to one guy i could be their one girl..
Its probably not even a realistic concept.

I havent had my laptop for a few days, so i havent been able to write blogs
or anything and it made me relise how insane and cluttered my head can be
without letting it all out.
I pretty much just freaked one of my friends out today while i just went on
about the things i was worrying about and shit.
Im pretty lucky to have him i have to say.
well, now that i have the chance to blog my mind has gone abit blank.

Most of the time the male creature is on my mind.
Sometimes a good thing, sometimes a bad.
My thought right now is a little 50/50.
Guys are creeps, seedy and fuck and dont just take no
for an answer.
Then there are the guys who arnt like that at all, who
respect people, who are ligit and nice.
Sadly, for me, the impression the creeps gives is stronger
and has me generalizing the male category to all be creeps.
Two guys in particular have sparked this feeling,
thinking about them makes me sick in the stomach like
im about to throw up.
Makes me feel so dirty and useless.
I think of guys and think " no they only want one thing, will
sya and do anything just to have that." and it scares me.
how can i trust any of them?
I want to believe guys are good because i believe i have
someone so good, and its taken this long to relize it.
I hope that he isnt one of these guys, and im scared ill get
hurt, i dont know if its a risk i want to take.

mah beffl got ink!
and it bring all the boys to the yard.

fuck you guys.
fuck everyone who makes her shed a tear
or makes her angry
or causes her any discomfort.
your all fucked.
so fuck you.

No guy has ever proved me wrong.

i knew last night was going to be one i would enjoy.
Being sober for most of the start of the night,
fighting with someone then just being able to talk
to them about it. Even though they were really drunk
it was good to just say it all to you.
Im glad i was there for you, to kinda cheer you up.
Dancing the night away, talking to new and old people,
just having a good time, nothing was really getting me
down, spending time with someone who only seems
to be becoming a bigger part of my life.
Which i am scared for but im not going to stop it,
because it hasnt done me wrong yet.
When you gave me a bit of confidence in what we were
did make me suprisingly happy.
I can talk to you about everything, maybe because you
act abit girly so i feel like i can but that okay too.
Somethings i guess i wish didnt happen like they did,
but im not regretting them, because why should i?
Singing paramore at the top of my lungs with teagan
and randoms and just dancing with everyone there.
I really do like strobe lights. alot.
Walking home, making food, going back out, taking
an extra person home.
Random nights always turn out to be the ones that are
most interesting!
Sleep was.. interesting, to say the least.
But i got some un-jaded snuggles in with my favourite!
Also, i saw the most beautiful person in my life smile
like she has never smiled before!
Seeing her like that just made my night, nothing would
have got me down with her there so high!
im so happy for her, and i know it wont be the only time.
It was perfect!

Do you like it when i flow?

Im just sitting here, after an amazing walk with a very treasured friend.
Walks with him just make me feel great and we can just talk about anything!
Now im waiting for my favourite to finish work so we can have another
memorable night and i can feel it in my bones that it is going to be!
Im also eating the most amazing pizza with long named cheeses and i almost
ate some sort of italian ham or something because i though it was a sundried
tomato or something exotic. But! i was smart enough to google what was
unknown. im feeling pretty boss!

Living for you.

My holidays so far have been weird, random, amazing, funny and tiring.
And just so i dont forget im going to blurb the days that have past,
mainly so i actually dont forget because these memories are somthing
i dont want to misplace and not remember.

Day1, Thursday:
Teagan and I went to common ground in katoomba; the cutest, most
interesting and romantic place i have been to.
It looks like a tree house and run by a cult. What is there not to love!
Then we hit up late night shopping, got some good things, had some
interesting events, the best cupcake in the world, sushi.
All in all, this start to my holidays were a very large sucess!

Day2, Friday:
Im thinking i just stayed home and cleaned my room,
which is still so clean and im so so proud!
makes me happy when i can keep my room clean!
its very exciting.
Oh then i went sock & clothes shopping with aaron,
dyfan and jack. That was fun.
Pretty relaxing day that was.

Day3, Saturday:
SHOREFEST! one of the chillest, best times ive had with a
certain group of people. A free festival, filled with my favourite
kind of music, in sydney. Ticks all my boxes.
The train trip up and back were both as hilarious as each other.
Being separated during a dash to a train only added to our
adventure, and the drunken episodes of Blake.
Then to make plans to party on back home but them getting
cancelled but it was okay because mum was happy i was home early!.

Day4, Sunday:
Meeting up with my favourite for coffee turned into one random night!
lovely coffee and catchup time, walking in the rain then hanging around
my house with dyfan out of the ran, singing and laughing.
then to move on to a night at shaynes and free drinks, interesting info,
stupid girl and a real good time then moving on to jakes where we raided
for food then stole his bed, surely to his pleasure.
Having only about 2 hours sleep but laying around laughing, getting scared,
telling stories, thats a good night!

Day5, Monday:
Getting up and leaving jakes early to do a day of babysitting wasnt as bad as
i thought it would be, i wasnt so tired and i was just buzzing along.
I love babysitting Levi, he can be a pain but he is my joy.
Then after babysitting hitting up metro5 for red riding hood with teagan and
jake. Wasnt as good as i thought it would have been but i kinda dislike the
actress so that could be way, was good though. Then slipping into Hop and
wtahcing all of it. It was so cute and did make me laugh.
I looove russel brand. Teagan stay at mine this night, i was unable to keep awake
for long but it was all good.


Day6, Tuesday:
Waking up near to midday, great sleeep. Making tea with the most amazing girl
then making brownies and watching wanted, which i really loved!
I think after teagan left i did nothing very interesting at all. This could have been the
day i bought a new hair dryer, which is pretty snazzy.
I think i remembver laying in bed for hours to escape the cold because i hate it.

Day7, Wednesday:
Went and spent time with my male favourite before he went away for a few days,
sitting around talking, going through adorable pictures and videos of him dancing
an then some quality wii time. Its always such a good time with sam. Then he
drove me to the train station so i could meet up with aden, kurt and jye to see
the beiber movie which was completly Aden's idea. Some of the most interesting,
strange boys but never the less great to be around and really funny.
The beiber movie actually wasnt that bad, he is just abit cute!
Then i ran late for training but it thought i did pretty well.
Heading back to teagans to organise the night ahead. getting out stuff together,
tanking it walking on the train tracks, being sly, feeling abit sick, meeting aden
kurt and jye, getting some good, heading to brodies, chilling out, goon,
good times, sick, getting cold, eating bread, in there someone trying to light
people on fire, passing out on the couch, woken up by two very attractive people,
freezing, dazed, long walk back home. very very very good night. very random.
Im not drinking goon or passion pop again.

Day8, Thursday:
Getting picked up early to go to bathurst, which i was ment to drive up but i was way to
tired and other things. Leeaving a lovely lady to sleep. Feeling seedy as. I slept the whole
trip up and wish i could just keep sleeping. Spent the day with mum and daddy which i
thought was a good thing to do since i havent spent much time with them.
bought "a haunting" i cant wait to find someone to watch it with!
get my marathon rolling. Going to dye my hair tonight i hope, purple it up.
the rest of my day is going to be a mass relax.

i was crazy about you.. i still am.

The other night i had a cry about you when talking to my bestfriend about you.
then i was trying to find something in my inbox and fell across old messages
from you and i felt such a pain in my body.
You were the best guy i have ever come across and something made you
leave me, and more then likely it was me.
Then i went to skrew it up more with something that i know never was going
to become what i would want it.
The jokes on me and i deserve it.

also, if people think im a bad person because i dont make an effort,
or im a bad friend for the same reason.
Where is your effort?
drama is drama, everyone is craving it and creating their own.
All i really want is to have a good time!
which i very much have been having.
stop giving me a headache with your shit.

I've had the best possible start to my holidays.
Shorefest was such a great day and my last night
Was so fun, hilarious and just a good time.
No sleeping, freaking each other house, sharing beds,
Tell sluts to get out of my grill, running into a door,
Scaring an old lady, sleeping arrangments.
LG

i love you, i said it, im admitting it.
the distance between us hurts.

Just because this is my public blog.

I can saaaay wha i want, yo. And be a dick, cause i like to be.
Its pretty fun, would i lie in a blog? :3

But on a serious note, WHY WONT MY BEAUTIFUL NEW TUNNELS GO IN!
made me so sad i just wanted to create waterfalls!
not really, it actually is alright, means i get to go bigger and still wear them! :D
LG!

I cant wait for thursday! and i cant wait to dress up as link on saturday!
i cant wait for shore fest! i hope he stays friday night!
i want to dye my hair but link has blond hair! D:
I cant wait for my luna park date!
I cant wait to eventaully see red riding hood, its going to happen!

i really do enjoy short hair, why was i dying to have long hair so bad.

and to finish, My bestfriend is better then yours.
Caio.

I REALLY LOVE CAKE!
TROLOLOLLOLOLOLOLOLOL.

I wasnt going to blog this on here but thought it was a trueful thing for public to see.

Maybe ive been wrong, Maybe i am just finding this out.
Maybe people arent so bad.
Maybe some people actually are not out there just to hurt me.
Maybe everyone wont just leave me.
Maybe people actually want to stick by me through the good and bad.
Maybe people actually value my friendship.
It makes me so sad that i have shut off people from giving them
the chance to show me they are different.
Ive just seen it, felt it, heard about it so many times.
People hurt and i dont want to hurt anymore.
But relizing people might not be all the same make me hurt.
I forgot there are good people in the world.
Only very few people havent left me and have always stuck by me.
So ,so many people have walked away, turned a blind eye when
things started getting a bit rough. Or they ignored it.
People i felt so strongly for, just left. Without anything, nothing.
And here i am, scared, guilty, in the past, hurt.
I cant trust you all.
I only trust one and a few.
Because of what humans have done to themselves and each other.

I am so sorry to the people that care about me.
Im so so enteraly grateful to the people i have and love and trust.
Fuck the people who are two faced, left me, fuck me around, hurt my true friends.


And to say for most of the people of lithgow,
One of my dearest friends came back to visit
i could tell how bad people here made her feel,
it killed me. I hated it and hate the people in this town
even more then i did before this weekend.
Im so sick of it.