Im living, creating great memories, becoming somewhat less stressed with everything.
I have one amazing person that takes most of the credit for this.
Then i few other amazing people have contributed aswell.
Im not going to sit hear and type "ive found out who all my real friends are"
But more so the i have found the people i feel best around, who i am comfortable with,
whom i trust, share the the good and bad times, to just live life with.
The people that would talk behind everyones back, bitch, fight, cuss, fake, annoying,
stupid, vicious, mean but then lovely to my face and to the faces of others.
To those people, people see it, im not stupid, i notice, i hear it.
Its so aggrivating that i just couldnt handle it.
You can all blame me all you want for whatever issues you have but in the end
of the day its you that has to live with what things you say and do and the
people you are around and how you act towards other people.
So right now in my life, it just feels like some good ol' times.
Bring on the holidays, i dare them to be as memorable as the summer ones.
im crushin :3

Going through these blogs and seeing the ones that were all
" im always going to love you "
well, i guess it just wasnt true because ive relized how it is without
you and its just like how it was when you were here.
Which is not how it should be.
Im happy now. Im happy with the people in my life.
You cant message me after a month of not being here seeing
if we still have something.
Alots changed, alot has happened.
ive moved on, he makes me happier then you ever did already.
so no, we dont have anything anymore.
You cant come to me looking for sympathy because you say
you have no one when i know your with those girls again.
And i finally really just dont care. You had your chance.
so i dont want you messaging me anymore.
I just relized ive got no clue what love is.
i thought i loved him but then i just dont.
my idea of love is so far from that.

i just want to curl up beside him in bed and lay there.
feel him breathe, hear his heart beat, share his warmth.

Tka - Just, thankyou so much. So much, for everything your doing and have done for me.
Your giving me so much strength and im just so grateful for you.
Your pulling me through with so much hope.
i love you.

I wish i could say something to you!
The level of annoyance and frustration i have built up, its raging.
But its not worth the stress nor drama.
I just wish you would wake up to yourself
and relize its not all about you.

I wasnt going to blog about it, but i do just want to say.
The strength of your friends and family
gave me so much hope and strength.
Now i will do anything for them
They are amazing, like you already know. <3

ashes to ashes, dust to dust, life is to short, so party we must.

Its not!
Its not.
People have to stop saying it is because its not!
its just not.
no, it cant be!

I told myself i was never going to write on here again
i was never going to share my emotions or thoughts.
But i cant keep this in and i dont know who i could talk to.
I know their closer friends may take me as an insult
or someone that isnt close enough to feel this way.
But i do, he was one of the most passionate people in my life
and i did love him for everything.
I hadnt known him that long, yes. But i time i have has made
an impact on my life so i shouldnt feel like im intruded for
feeling like this.
my tears and my worry for them is real.
And im praying to any god to just hear our prayers for them.
I dont know the state they are in or what happened,
i just hope that i see them as soon as i can
and hope that they get better and recover.
Everything i have goes out to them and their family and their friends.
Much love <3 and cannot believe that this has happened to either of you..

And now people are saying their names and what happened on facebook!
I did display my concern on facebook but i never said who they were or why i wished it would be fucking okay.
The people who were informed and are being more informed then others are the ones that know, people that dont should!
Now people are just asking and searching for the answers in something that will only be tragic news to them.
This is my blog, and thats how i feel.
I know they need all our prayers and support but im sure they need some fucking privacy!
Fuck.

I was there for the good times too...
This isnt a charade...
Im sorry im putting it on the internet.. but i cant release any other way
and thats my flaw!
But i know they will get better! I know they will.

And no, i dont want to sleep and see what its like in the morning.
I know it wont happen.. but what if im needed,
Im going to be up and alert to do anything i can.

Soooo i know i said i wasnt going to blog again
but i just have so many nice photos! so i think ill just post photos.
Not deep, meaningful things that people are bored of hearing off me.
Photos i like :D

I think im going to get a new blog. One that only i and maybe one other person will know about.
I dont want to write on here anymore, but im to lazy to make a new one.
Something to aim to get.

As if i didnt already feel shit and like a slut.
Thanks..
I know im not the most innocent girl but im
not as bad as you make me out to be!
No, im not embarrassed or ashamed to allow myself
to try and move on and be happy.
Obviously you are still embarrassed by me.
No wonder i surround my life with stupid boy crap.
It completly takes my mind off everything else in my life.
So damn easily! Everything in my life just stops mattering.
And i love that, i love forgetting.

I need a way to express everything that is in my mind.
I can't tell people, i can't blog about it.
I complain to much as it is and it's all the same shit.
But I just wish i would feel like im not being weighed
Down by my own thoughts.
I wish I could be with him tonight though,
I feel like he is way out of my league but he makes me forget.

Wake in the moons sweat.

Dont you hate when you feel like you have no one to talk to?
because the people that would care and listen all the time have
already heard so much and they are probably sick of it.
Then you just feel more alone and what is worse is that
you know your not alone but you still cannot shake the feeling.
What would i even tell people if i had someone i could talk to?
Tell them the things they already know and have heard 100
other girls say? Which thinking about that just makes me feel
so mundane and un-important.
Things these days have been looking so much brighter but a
part of me is going more into the dark.
I do feel like im still watching myself live, numb in a way.
But im not to bad with that, i dont feel hurt when im like this.
I just live and keep on living.

Reliving.

The nights we spent together. When you were there when no one else was. You made me happy. I told you everything and anything. Laying in bed til late in the day. Staying up all night. Having your arms around me. Talking at all hours and not getting bored. Holding your hand.

Having you. Wanting you. Missing you.

You never gave a mother fuck.

I wish i could look like how i do in my new photos.
When i look at them im pretty amazed.
But its not actually me, i never look like that.
An amazing photographer with such talent can do it to anyone.
When i look at them i see someone that i have never seen before.
I know and can see what has been photoshopped.
So really all i can see is what i wish i looked like. The best me.
Not the me i am.

I just relized something. It doesnt matter how i look.
Im sick of giving a fuck. I dont want to wear makeup.
I just want to throw my hair up in a ponytail.
I want to chill in my pjs.
What does it matter in the end.
I have my friends i have things that make me happy.
Its enough for me. I relize this right now

I need to.